


i may be crazy (but that dont make me wrong)

by CosmoKid



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming Out, Fix-It, Gen, Homophobia, IT Chapter Two Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-22 15:44:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22251880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmoKid/pseuds/CosmoKid
Summary: Yet Richie isn’t scared. He should be, he knows he should be, but he’s not. More than anything, he’stired.He’s so fucking tired. He’d say it’s been a long day, but it’s been a long life. Not that he even remembers all of it since he grew up in a town that just fucks with your memory so you don’t remember any of your goddamn childhood. Really, he’d be content to forget it all again. Just forget about Bowers and his gang of bullies, forget about all his doomed crushes, forget about how he could never be good enough for his parents, just forget about it all.But he can’t. He can’t fucking forget it because he had to relive it all for a stupid fucking ritual that didn’t work because there’s still a stupid clown that’s probably going to kill them all and he doesn’t even have the energy to be scared. He’s spent his entire life in constant fear of being outed, but what does that fucking matter now that he’s going to die in the goddamn Derry Sewers under the freaking Neibolt House?or in which richie picks a terrible time to come out and inadvertently saves the day
Relationships: The Losers Club & Richie Tozier
Comments: 5
Kudos: 62





	i may be crazy (but that dont make me wrong)

**Author's Note:**

> title is a quote by marsha p johnson

They lost.

The ritual didn’t work, the sacrifice didn’t work, the holding hands and chanting didn’t work, the stupid tokens they had to get didn’t work, the burning pit of fire in the artifact Mike was so freaking protective of didn’t work, none of it worked. They lost. It didn’t do shit, they didn’t do shit. They didn’t change anything.

And now they’re going to fucking die because there’s a stupid fucking clown that wants to kill them.

There’s a stupid fucking clown that’s gigantic and half of it is a spider because of course, it is. It’s spewing bullshit and it’s got long ass claws and it wants to kill them and they have nothing to defend themselves against it with. They’re all going to die. And Mike is just standing there, not running away like a sane person would while everyone else is making scared-sounding noises because they’re probably fucking terrified because of course, they are. Who wouldn’t be? There’s a fucking murderous clown spider trying to kill them, any sane person would be terrified.

Yet Richie isn’t scared. He should be, he knows he should be, but he’s not. More than anything, he’s _tired._

He’s so fucking tired. He’d say it’s been a long day, but it’s been a long life. Not that he even remembers all of it since he grew up in a town that just fucks with your memory so you don’t remember any of your goddamn childhood. Really, he’d be content to forget it all again. Just forget about Bowers and his gang of bullies, forget about all his doomed crushes, forget about how he could never be good enough for his parents, just forget about it all.

But he can’t. He can’t fucking forget it because he had to relive it all for a stupid fucking ritual that didn’t work because there’s still a stupid clown that’s probably going to kill them all and he doesn’t even have the energy to be scared. He’s spent his entire life in constant fear of being outed, but what does that fucking matter now that he’s going to die in the goddamn Derry Sewers under the freaking Neibolt House?

Pennywise- and seriously, Pennywise is such a stupid freaking name for the Eater of Worlds or whatever It is -is still ranting about how they failed and how he’s waited so long to kill them and Richie is just fucking tired.

He doesn’t know what it is that motivates him to chuck a rock at the clown spider monstrosity, but it’s sheer glee running through him when Pennywise pauses so Richie has time to call out, “Oh, go fuck yourself!”

The scuttling noise of legs stops and Richie swallows, his face heating up as he feels all eyes on him. He blinks and looks up to glare at the clown who opens his mouth to start speaking again.

“Don’t you fucking start again,” he blurts out before Pennywise can speak. “You think you’re scary? Seriously? You think I’m fucking scared of you, you’re nothing but a stupid ugly clown. You couldn’t even kill a bunch of middle schoolers and you think I’m scared of you now? You’re _nothing_.”

He pauses to breathe, keeping his eyes trained on the clown. He can’t look at the other losers, not now. If he looks at how scared they all are, he’ll get scared all over again and he can’t get scared anymore. He shouldn’t be scared of this.

“You, you know my secret, huh?” he asks, trying to control the way his voice trembles. The clown growls at him, his breath nearly knocking Richie back. He rolls his shoulders back and takes a step forward. “My dirty little secret? What? That I’m… that I’m gay and that I’ve spent forty-one years trying to hide it. Huh? Is that the secret? Well, _fuck you_. You don’t get to, you don’t get to hold that over me. No one does, not anymore.”

Someone behind him calls out his name, but he shakes his head and takes another step forward. Pennywise roars at him, screaming something about fear or whatever, but Richie just laughs. He fucking cackles, finding it almost impossible stop all while he continues forward, taking joy in the way that the stupid fucking clown scuttles backward, seeming to get smaller and smaller.

Letting out a breath and one last laugh, he continues, “You don’t scare me, you’re just a fucking clown. You think you’re any fucking scarier than all the assholes who hurled slurs at me on the street when I was walking with my boyfriend? Scarier than all the preachers who handed me anti-gay pamphlets when I was in college? You seriously think you’re any scarier than the fucking dickwads who broke my nose and shattered my collar bone because I had the audacity to kiss my boyfriend in public in 1995? You’re _nothing_ compared to them. And guess what, fuckface? I survived them and I survived you.”

He jumps when he feels a hand on his shoulder, but he can’t stop, the words just keep falling out of his mouth like they always do. He’s never been able to stop running his mouth and now is no different. His voice is firm now, not wavering even slightly.

“You’re just a stupid clown who has to feed on the fear of others because you’re a weak little bitch just like the guys who jumped me, just like the assholes on the street, just like every other person who forced me, forced me back into the fucking closet. But _fuck that and fuck you_. I’m done, I’m done being scared of little bitches like you. You’re not scary, you’re not the _Eater of Worlds_ , you’re not shit. You’re just a scared little clown.”

The scuttling noise is back now, quicker and louder. Richie braces himself, letting his eyes focus on the scene in front of him. He stumbles back when he realizes that the clown is moving backward, shrinking away from him.

“It’s working,” Mike says next to him and Richie can barely hear him over the ringing in his ears. “Keep doing it!”

“Keep doing what?” he asks, panic seeping in. He turns to Mike with wide eyes.

“Talking!” Mike says as if it’s obvious. “Come on, Richie! You’re making it smaller, your, your _words_ are making it smaller. Come on, Trashmouth, talk!”

“Right, yeah, I can do that,” he says, turning back to the clown with his brain frazzled. He takes a deep breath and lets his mouth take over. “You heard that, right? That you’re, that you’re nothing to us! That you’re just some stupid clown who thinks he’s some big, scary monster when he’s just a scared little freak. You’re not even scary enough to kill adults, you have to pick on kids!”

He lets out a manic laugh again, taking a few steps forward so he’s closer to the ever-shrinking clown. The moment feels surreal like he’s not even there. It feels like a fucking fever dream.

“It makes you feel big, doesn’t it? Picking on the little guy? Makes you feel like some big, scary monster because you’re nothing without it. You’re just like the fucking asshats who attacked me and Daniel. You have to attack us because you have nothing else without it. You’re nothing, you hear that? You’re just a stupid clown.”

“Clown,” Mike repeats beside him. Richie doesn’t turn to look at him this time, just keeps stalking towards the clown until he’s climbing into the weird ritual thing after it. He keeps talking, hurling insult after insult at the thing until he can hear the rest of the losers copying him. He recognizes Bill next to him, stuttering every few words. Eddie’s behind him, Mike still on his other side.

He doesn’t know exactly when they all begin to chant the word _clown_ at it, he doesn’t know exactly when it dies. He sees Mike step forward, watches Ben break the claw off the thing so Mike can reach to pull its heart out. He remembers helping to crush the heart, all of them joining hands to do it. And then they have to get out of the cave because everything is falling down and they’re still not out of the woods.

They win. He realizes it as they’re making their way to the quarry, the silent decision being unanimous between them. He lets out a manic laugh when he realizes it, but no one stops to ask him what’s wrong. They know.

It’s only when they’re all treading water in the quarry when Mike speaks up, his voice low, “It’s dead. We did it.”

“Yeah,” Ben breathes out. Richie nods, knowing everyone else is doing it.

Bill lets out a manic laugh this time, “It’s f-fucking dead.”

Bev turns to him, speaking in a quiet voice, “How did you know that would weaken it?”

“I…I didn’t, I was just tired of being scared,” he tells her and looks up at the rest of them. He shrugs away their questioning looks and lets a smile grow on his face. “Can’t believe I killed a clown by coming out.”

“Yeah, neither can we,” Eddie says, a soft smile on his face.

He laughs, the sound ringing out. “Sorry I didn’t uh tell you guys before we were fighting a fucking clown but-”

“But nothing,” Bev says, interrupting him in a much more confident voice than he’s heard her use since they got back. “It was yours to decide when and where, not ours. There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

“She’s right,” Bill says before Richie can reply and he feels like he’s watching a tennis match with how quickly his head is turning from one person to the next. “I’m just g-glad you told us w-when you did.”

“Yeah, you picked a great time,” Ben tells him and Richie can tell his words are genuine.

He nods, swallowing harshly as he runs his hand through his hair. It feels like he’s done enough talking for the day after that ordeal so he keeps his words short, not sure what else there is to say. “I-, I love you guys.”

**Author's Note:**

> yeah i just wanted a fic where richie comes out
> 
> Thanks for reading! :D
> 
> come be super duper gay with me on [tumblr](https://listen-to-the-inner-walrus.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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